Thursday, June 24, 2010

I have been thinking lately about how much I have changed in the past few years, specifically the past year.

I used to stress and worry about the silliest things, as well as the everyday normal things. Now when I think about everything my husband had to put up with (mood swings, depression, ..ect). He is such a patient and loving man.

After we moved up to Hancock from Ishpeming things started to fall down. I had MANY things on my plate and everything and everyone was coming at me from all angles. Peter was still working in Mqt. which meant he was staying in Mqt. M-F. Our house hadn't sold, I had started a new job, new town, new people, I had to take my certification exam ... the list can go on.. and on.. and on.

I was severely depressed and I felt like I had no one to go to. When Peter came home on weekends I felt like I had to put on a happy show because he was home for the weekend and didn't want to bother him with my issues.

In the past year I have worked through alot of my issues. I am more comfortable with who I am and where I am in life. I am not afraid of failure. The only way we learn as human beings ... is failure (at least a few times in our lives) I also feel like I am able to do things with Peter. I used to be VERY dependant on him. I went kayaking last week for the first time alone. Yes I know.. it's just kayaking, but to me it was amazing being out there on the water alone. I had this revelation while I was in the water paddeling. It was amazing. It was so peaceful out there, the birds were chirping and the water was rolling and there i was in the middle of it.

I am no longer a "nervous nellie" as my instructors at NMU used to call me. I am able to breathe and focus on issues. I don't stress over silly things and even big things I am able to just let it go over my head and just say "it is going to work out." I know that god loves me and only will give me as much as I can handle. No more.. no less.

Now part of my "newness" is also due to my medication I am on. I take anti-depression meds and it is amazing. I can fully enjoy life for what it is and am no longer stopping every few steps because of something in my way.

I enjoy everyday, because I seem to learn something and try something new everyday. I cannot wait for tomorrow!!!

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