branching out to find out who I am

Ever since I took my certification exam my school text books have been put away. I have been brancing out and trying to find different talents or hobbies that can fill the time in my days. The time that used to be spent on studying.

I started making jewerly a few weeks ago and have instantly fallen in love with it. I have talked to many different people who have said the same thing, once they started they just fell deeply in love with it. It really is a great stress reliever as well. I do have my jewerly posted on etsy.com. I told my husband that if I don't sell any pieces that it is ok.. because I have some amazing pieces of jewerly to wear!

I have also started to take up reading. I hated reading in middle school/high school. It was just such a chore. Now that I am able to pick what I want to read it is so much more fun. I have really enjoyed reading Jodi Picoult. I have a number of her books and once I start it is really hard to put them down. I find myself staying up late to finish the book. I have a few different authors I am trying to read through as well, but Jodi really seems to be my favorite.

One last thing.. I seem to be really enjoying photography too. I have to take pictures of my jewerly to post them online and I am having fun taking different shots, with different views, lighting and such. It may be something that down the road I may try to work on a little more in depth.

It is so fun when you can put away text books and work on being you. For so long I have been "Jackie the student", "Jackie the mom", "Jackie the wife". I am learning how to be Jackie.. just Jackie.

I have been thinking lately about how much I have changed in the past few years, specifically the past year.

I used to stress and worry about the silliest things, as well as the everyday normal things. Now when I think about everything my husband had to put up with (mood swings, depression, ..ect). He is such a patient and loving man.

After we moved up to Hancock from Ishpeming things started to fall down. I had MANY things on my plate and everything and everyone was coming at me from all angles. Peter was still working in Mqt. which meant he was staying in Mqt. M-F. Our house hadn't sold, I had started a new job, new town, new people, I had to take my certification exam ... the list can go on.. and on.. and on.

I was severely depressed and I felt like I had no one to go to. When Peter came home on weekends I felt like I had to put on a happy show because he was home for the weekend and didn't want to bother him with my issues.

In the past year I have worked through alot of my issues. I am more comfortable with who I am and where I am in life. I am not afraid of failure. The only way we learn as human beings ... is failure (at least a few times in our lives) I also feel like I am able to do things with Peter. I used to be VERY dependant on him. I went kayaking last week for the first time alone. Yes I know.. it's just kayaking, but to me it was amazing being out there on the water alone. I had this revelation while I was in the water paddeling. It was amazing. It was so peaceful out there, the birds were chirping and the water was rolling and there i was in the middle of it.

I am no longer a "nervous nellie" as my instructors at NMU used to call me. I am able to breathe and focus on issues. I don't stress over silly things and even big things I am able to just let it go over my head and just say "it is going to work out." I know that god loves me and only will give me as much as I can handle. No more.. no less.

Now part of my "newness" is also due to my medication I am on. I take anti-depression meds and it is amazing. I can fully enjoy life for what it is and am no longer stopping every few steps because of something in my way.

I enjoy everyday, because I seem to learn something and try something new everyday. I cannot wait for tomorrow!!!

Why are people living lies????

I am not usually a watcher of Oprah, but today as I was flipping through channels I came across it and thought I would watch it.

It was about Debt and something Oprah has started a series on her show called the "Debt Diet" Today was episode 4 of the series. She has 3 couples who are at wits end with money. They all have different stories, but all have one common theme they are ready to file for Bankruptcy. She has 3 experts, a panel of professionals who each help a family and give them a HUGE wake up call. They have steps they have to follow:

1. recognize how much debt you owe
2. track your spending
3. learn how to play the credit card game
4. stop spending
5. create a plan
6. take steps to grow your income

One of the couples had invited over a bunch (about 20) of their friends and told them they had a huge secret to tell them. Their friends were all excited and also worried about what this secret was. The couple came out and told each of them that they were living a lie. That what everyone saw on the outside wasn't true. The trips they took, the cars they drove, the clothes they wore.. all lies. They said they have over $43,000 in debt. They wrote the number down on a poster board for all their friends to see. The wife broke down and cried and was very embarassed. Their friends were very supportive when the couple told them to please not invite them out for dinners, coffee at starbucks, shopping and so on. Next week is the series finale and we find out how the couples have turned their lives around.

It got me to think.. why are people living a lie? I do it too. I have many credit cards and I honestly have a spending problem. I do ... there my secret is out. I love the way it feels to purchase something online. To have that brown box waiting for me when i get home from work. I am not ashamed to say this.

I work fulltime and my husband is a student. He is currently doing an internship with no pay... it isn't rocket science... we are really at wits end. The next six months are going to be tough, but he will be done with school in Dec. So there.. you all who read this.. know my secret. Peter and I have a massive amount of debt, we will be paying it off for many years. It is tough to get a grip on this, but we don't let this define who we are. We have 2 great boys, we are renting a nice place to live, have food on our table and gas in our cars.

What is your secret? Why are you living a lie??? Don't be ashamed... we all have one.

A day dedicated to dad's.

Today is a day that is dedicated to dad's. It's more than giving dad that new tie, making him breakfast or letting him grill for dinner. I have realized in the past year how important my husband is in my life and in the life of my boys.

Peter is such a wonderful husband. He is patient and loving. He never yells and if we have a problem (between he and I) we always discuss it in private.. not in front of our kids.

My childhood is a bunch of memories that have the same common denominator... fighting. I have made peace with it though. My father was very agressive in every sence of the word. He would pick fights with my mom and brothers manily. I never remember seeing my father happy. I remember my mom packing up a bag, and she and I went away for a weekend once and the thought of us going back home made me sick to my stomach, because i knew my dad would be there... waiting... to pick another fight with us.

I love that my husband has made nothing but great memories for me and our boys. I feel so blessed that he and I found each other in this crazy world. God is amazing and has a plan for us.. for sure!!! We aren't rich by any means.. but we are millionares when it comes to happiness, laughter and memories!!!

Have a great day to all the dad's, stepdad's, grandpa's and male role models out there.... enjoy!!!

one of my favorite websites..ever!!!!

I came upon this website a while ago. I often go and browse it just to view the beautiful photos of food.

www.foodgawker.com When i visit this site I pretend that I am an amazing chef or cook and I can make these dishes. To me what is so beautiful about it, is how it is photographed. The lighting, the way the food is arranged on the plate. It is another form of art.

Wouldn't it be fun to be a food critic. Your job ... to eat food. All kinds of food. Not just any kind of food either.. food that is prepared and arranged perfect just for you!

Peter took me to a resturant when we were dating. It was my 23rd birthday and it was called "Cafe California" It was the first time I had ever dipped bread in oil and had waiters standing and waiting for me to ask for more of something. I can't remember what dish I ordered, but I remember feeling so special when i was there.

I have never had that feeling since being at that resturant. At least not to that degree. I hope you enjoy foodgawker as much as I do. Go and take a look. Grab a napkin.. trust me you may start drooling!!

ta ta for now!

this n that

So I started making jewerly and I have found that I love it. I cannot express how much i really enjoy it. It is a great stress reliever and in the end I have a beautiful piece of wearable art.

I do sell my jewerly as well. www.jfroiland.etsy.com is my site. My jewerly is very affordable. As of right now I am making earrings and bracelets. I am going to start making necklaces and rings after I start feeling more comfortable with my jewerly. I hope you can take just a moment and check out my website. I do offer a free gift with purchase with each order.

Thanks for checking out my blog!!! I