I remember holidays when i was little as very stressful. My mother would go out of her way to make it "perfect". She wanted that Norman Rockwell kind of picture. It always seemed to go sour.. mainly because of my father and his controlling ways. I too took this attitude on for MANY years. Everything had to be perfect and if it wasn't I would throw a huge hissy fit. (my poor hubby)
Ever since I realized that I can't control every situation I have been looking at life in such a different light. I realize that why control everyone around me and instead just go and have fun and what is meant to be ... will happen.
This is the second 4th of July that I haven't been in my hometown of Ishpeming. 4th of July always seemed to be so darn stressful for me. (I always think of a certain 4th that my mom again...was trying to make perfect and she and my father got into a HUGE fight. My sister Vicki took me into her room and we fell asleep next to each other) I used to stress over getting ready for the parades and then what to do afterwards. I know maybe it sounds silly, but to me it was depressing and I ended up never having a good time. It seemed to be just a big let down.
So this year I just vowed to myself to make this a pleasant, non-stressful and fun weekend. I am surprised at how much fun we are having as a family. No crowds, just the four of us doing what we want to do. Friday night (2nd) we had cereal for dinner and watched Aladdin. It was around 92 degrees which isn't pleasant here.. at least for me and Peter.
Today (3rd) we packed up and went to the beach. We packed a picnic lunch and at sat in the Gazebo at the Calumet waterworks park. Lake superior was behind us and a lovely breeze kept us cool (today was around 85-90 again). After our lunch we we trotted down to the beach and I was surprised how empty it was. We had a huge stretch of beach all to ourselves. The boys dug in the sand, Peter went swimming in the lake and I went looking for rocks. It was so peaceful out there. It was just the four of us having a wonderful time!!! No yelling, no crying and most importantly no stress.
There is something about hearing the waves crash into the shore and how the sand feels against my fingertips that makes all the noise of the world go quiet. A hush that falls over and I can hear my thoughts clearly. When I am at the beach I feel at home. I love when we have a stretch of beach all to ourselves and we can sing, laugh, tell jokes and no one except the birds can hear us.
When I die.. I want to be cremated. I want my ashes to be scattered on the beach.
Happy Fourth of July everyone!! I hope you find your peace where ever you are.
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